“My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she
called “love” but when I look into my nephew’s eyes. Man, you wouldn’t believe
the most amazing things that can come from some terrible nights”
This is one of the final lines to Some Nights by the artist “Fun” and every time I hear it I can’t
help but think about how much truth there is in this line. The artist correctly
recognizes that sometimes something beautiful can come out of something evil. It
reminds me of Genesis 50:20 that says, “You intended
to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done,
the saving of many lives.”
God has the power to redeem not only people but situations
for his glory. I have seen this in my own life and with this introduction I’d
like to tell you part of my story that illustrates this concept.
I was raised in a Christian homes by parents who were
employed in full-time ministry. And even more than that we lived in community
with the people they served and served with. My whole life revolved around this
ministry and to an end: God.
I was “saved” at the early age of 5. I remember saying the “sinners
prayer” with my mom in our living room right before Christmas. However, I also
remember doing it just so I could tell my Sunday school teacher I had done and
wipe that smug little grin off a peer who was the only one to raise his
hand the week before when our teacher asked us who had accepted Jesus in their
hearts. So even from the beginning of my faith, it was flawed.
As I grew, I really do remember loving God. But as I reached
adolescence God seemed more and more of an abstract idea and maybe something
that only adults really did. “I mean, I’m 11 years old who really cares about
living for God? I got my whole adult life to do that!”
Into my teen years I struggled with my relationship with
God. He seemed so distant and the things of the Bible so abstract and irrelevant
to my life. As stormy times came I called out to God as it seemed the thing to
do and while I painted a nice picture to people about what God was “teaching me”,
I honestly never really felt like he was there or cared.
However, my story doesn’t get good until I was 15. 2005,
probably the worst year of my life to date. This is where my story really
starts. I won’t bore you with long details but in short my life fell apart.
The ministry my parents went through some very dark days which resulted in many
brothers and sisters in Christ treating one another in very un-christlike ways.
I remember looking
out over the campus (affectionately known as “the hill”) and thinking to
myself, “God has surely removed his presence from this place.” A place that was
once known as a place of great healing was now known as a place of pain and
destruction in my eyes. I walked around a shell of the person I used to be. Anger
and sadness were now the only two emotions I was acquainted with.
During this time I did what I thought was best and painted a
happy face and tried to carry on as life as usual. Battling addictions, anger,
depression, and unforgivness in my heart I paraded around my church as the only
thing I knew who to be: a good little Christian girl. And as I paraded around the
church and the ministry with the face painted on I began to notice a common
sentiment: God’s will. Whenever people talked about the things going on at The
Hill, people would sigh and then say, “Well it’s all a part of God’s will” or “We
just got to keep trusting in God’s will” or “Sometimes God’s will is hard to
understand.” The list could go on and on. But you know, you’ve heard these
phrases before.
For months I walked around with these phrases echoing in my
mind and heart and they only served to provide one end: hatred. I hated God. And when I
say I hated God I don’t mean I just didn’t like him. I would sit in church and hurl insults at Him in my heart. I would look at the naive people around me worshipping and think, "Look at these stupid people. They don't realize how horrible this God really is." I HATED him. I hated a God
who would cause so much pain in the lives of people I loved. I hated a God who
willed his people to act so uncharitable to one another. I hated this God who
didn’t even answer me when I called out to him in pain.
Now, my story in full
is very long but telling the whole thing here is not my goal so I will skip
forward about a year after the Lord intervened and redeemed me. He melted the
anger away in my heart and gave me joy like I never experienced before. He also
sent his Spirit which allowed me to interpret his Word for the first time. I
was finally growing in him and hearing His voice!
It was during this time of growth that I began to realize
something: I had been lied to. All those people prattling on about “God’s will
this” and “God’s will that” were obviously regurgitating Christian clichés and
not the true truth of God. Yes, I do believe in God’s will and believe that
sometimes that includes enduring hardship and even pain, but one thing I concluded
through my journey is it is never, ever, God’s will for his people to sin or
hurt one another in malice. Not ever.
I believe God allows people to sin and hurt one another but
I do not believe it is a part of his “will”. In fact I believe his will is quite
opposite. Romans 12:8 says “As far as it depends on you, live at peace with
everyone.” 1John says “Let us love one another!” I could list verse after verse
that commands us to love one another. In fact, other than loving God (which is
the greatest commandment), the main thing Christ wants us to get is that we
need to love one another! So tell my why would a God who commands us over and
over again to love would then will his people to hurt one another. Sounds fishy
to me.
So now I’ll tell you what this all has to do with Fun’s Some Nights lyrics. This song ends with the image of something beautiful coming from a horrid situation and so does my story. The point is that
while God did not will all the pain and sin that affected me so deeply in my early
teen years, he did allow it and he did redeem the situation for himself. I don’t
specifically know how he redeemed it the lives of others, but I’m sure he did and he
certainly did in my life.
When I look back over the story of my walk with the Lord, I often
wonder where I would be if I had not walked through that valley. For me God
used that dark place to make known how real his love really was and also his
power as he worked to melt my harden heart (because I certainly didn’t do it!).
This is why I rejoice every time I hear the line, “Man, you wouldn’t believe
the most amazing things that can come from some terrible nights” because it
reminds me of the amazing things God did for me during my terrible nights.
So this week I challenge you to think about your “terrible
nights” and how God has redeemed them. Maybe you’re in the middle of a "terrible
night" right now and you can’t even imagine how God will bring anything good out
of it. Keep on trusting and keep on seeking his face. It’s still going to be
hard, because life is hard. But hold on the promise that He “is making all
things new” (Revelation 21:5) and he has the power to redeem any situation for
your good and ultimately His Glory.
As normal, if you have questions, comments, challenges on my
theology, you can leave a comment or email me here.
This is a video featuring "Something Beautiful" by Jars of Clay.
This song took on deep meaning for me during my teen years once
I realized that God (and God alone) was making me into something beautful.
I'm not totally sure what the video has to do with the song but take a
minute and listen to the lyrics:
"So close my eyes and hold my heart.
Cover me and make me something.
Change this something normal into something beautiful."
